You Don't Deserve Me, You Fools from Boston
Yeah, that’s right. I called you a fool. You are all fools because you could be driving me, a sporty 2004 Black Dodge Stratus SXT Coupe for practically peanuts but you aren’t interested. Instead, I sit here…still for sale…because people can’t handle me.
At first I was offended that Kelley Harris wanted to sell me for barely Blue Book value but I got over it. Apparently some people can’t get used to driving greatness. And let’s face it, I am pretty great. I’m not delusional enough to think that I am Chuck Norris great but I have been known to roundhouse a few bad guys at the traffic light. I do pack a spoiler after all.
It’s not all your fault for not being interested. You may be thinking that you cant live up to the legend that I have become. Or maybe you think that driving a car like me will attract too many chicks. I know. Tough life being a chick magnet. But you know, some of us are born with natural good looks, alloy wheels, and air conditioning.
Some others, like that K car you are driving around now, aren’t so lucky. 2.4-liter and 4 cylinders is a lot to handle. Don’t worry about being scared. You probably can’t handle me. I hear there is a decent Geo Tracker for sale on eBay.
Have you been riding your old Sanford & Son vehicle into the ground? I am only 40,000 miles. That’s basically nearly new. What isn’t nearly new though, is my brand new tires and my new brakes. But alas, I’m all that, and not for you.
Do I look dirty to you? Let me ask you something. If angels brought down a fine vehicle like myself down from heaven, do you think I would allow myself to be smoked in? Do you think I would tolerate anything but a clean interior and carpet floor mats? Please.
How do I roll? As if you need to ask. I gots me a 6 speaker premium sound system with 4 disc cd changer. You’ll feel like you are sitting in a symphony hall or if you prefer, you’ll hear me popping and locking all the way down the block. And speaking of locks, I have keyless entry and an alarm. I rule.
Stop reading this. You clearly don’t care that I am sporty, roomy, and I get around with good gas mileage. You don’t care that all my maintenance records are organized and chronologically ordered. Or that I only had one owner, my beloved, Kelley Harris. Yeah, don’t get your hopes up: you don’t deserve me, you fools.
If, for some reason, you think you have what it takes to own me, call Kelley at 952-457-1365 or email kelley_harris@hotmail.com. She will decide if you are worthy enough to pay her $8000 or best offer for a piece of legend.
